"Every day I will bless You, And I will praise Your name forever and ever. Great is the LORD, and highly to be praised, And His greatness is unsearchable . One generation shall praise Your works to another, And shall declare Your mighty acts. On the glorious splendor of Your majesty And on Your wonderful works, I will meditate. Men shall speak of the power of Your awesome acts, And I will tell of Your greatness. They shall eagerly utter the memory of Your abundant goodness And will shout joyfully of Your righteousness. The LORD is gracious and merciful ; Slow to anger and great in lovingkindness. The LORD is good to all, And His mercies are over all His works. All Your works shall give thanks to You, O LORD, And Your godly ones shall bless You. They shall speak of the glory of Your kingdom And talk of Your power ; To make known to the sons of men Your mighty acts And the glory of the majesty of Your kingdom." Psalm 45:2-12
We are in the middle of celebrating the Passover season. The first night of Passover begins with a Seder, or dinner. During the Seder you read a Haggadah, meaning “The Telling”, about the story found in Exodus, God’s salvation and deliverance of the Hebrews from bondage. One of the traditions is to sing a song called “Dayenu” – which in Hebrew means “It would have been enough” or “It would have been sufficient.” I’m telling you all this, because this is the background for my testimony.
This season will forever remind me of how the Lord gave me personal deliverance from my own bondage that was affecting my faith. Infertility. Some of you may share the same kind of story. My husband and I have been married for almost 16 years now. After 3 years of marriage we started trying for children. For 7 years, we tried. We did fertility treatments, and called on all our friends and church family to pray. 7 long years. It was agonizing. I began to think, “Why? What did I do wrong? Why was I being punished?”
My faith was wavering. I was depressed and losing myself in my circumstance. Then just before Passover about 5 years ago, I went to lunch with a dear friend of mine and had a complete breakdown. I just poured out my sorrow all over the place in the middle of Chipotle. I explained to my friend that I was feeling so guilty and ashamed. The Passover season was going to start and we’re going to sing Dayenu and I don’t even feel worthy to sing it. Why don’t I feel like God’s deliverance is enough for me? Why do I want more? Isn’t it enough that he sent his son for my eternal salvation? And I am angry because He won’t give me a child? What is my problem? That friend is a prayer warrior, and I have no doubt that the Lord heard hers and everyone else’s prayers that had been lifted up for 7 years because after that something changed in me. I decided that if this is the way it is suppose to be, then I wanted my prayers and the prayers of people who prayed for me to be that I would be content with God alone. That He would be sufficient for me. Passover was coming, and I should embrace the “It is enough” mentality. God is enough for me. If I never become a mother…God is enough. If I can never bear my husband’s child…God is enough. If I can never have the joy of nursing my own child…God is enough. I celebrated that Passover without my yoke of infertility. In fact I was pregnant and didn’t even know it. I found out about a month later, and the next January I had my first son. I have two boys now, because as you know, when you pray, sometimes the flood gates of heaven open up and the Lord just keeps on giving! Just after the Seder this last Friday, my husband and I were lamenting about how the boys kept us on our toes the whole Seder and they were so loud and running all over the place, you know, basically being normal 4 and 2 year olds, during a 3 hour Seder. And one of the Elders in our congregation commented, “But you know, that’s what we all prayed for. We prayed for those children. That’s what I think about every time I hear them. We prayed for those children. And now they’re here.” When I look at my boys, I remember that the Lord answers prayer. Maybe not right away, but He does.
I heard a teaching once and I never forgot it. It was at a Messianic conference and the Rabbi said, Sometimes as we go through our trials it’s easy to say, “Oh why is this happening? Why am I going through this?” But people, the point is you’re going THROUGH it. God doesn’t leave you there to wallow in it! No! He brings you through it, to the other side, where you are better and tougher than you were before.” That’s’ how I feel about what I went through. I truly believe that my faith was enriched and I grew closer to the Lord because of my infertility problem. Who knows if I would have the walk I have with the Lord now, if I had never gone through that.
This time of year is so precious to me. During Passover the Lord reminds me that no matter what I am going through, He will be enough for me. Whatever He gives me or doesn’t give me, it will be sufficient. He is sufficient.
This is a lesson I have to remember to apply to other areas of my life. I didn’t end up with the career I thought I would have, but God is sufficient. I don’t have the body I’d like to have, but God is sufficient. I may not be as financially stable as I’d like to be, but God is sufficient. And He always will be. God gave His Son, to die for all of us. He is sufficient.
"And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that always having all sufficiency in everything, you may have abundance for every good deed" 2 Corinthians 9:8
I'm thankful for the opportunity to share my testimony. I hope that as the Passover season ends, we all take the lesson of Dayenu with us throughout the year!